Shaken Open

My son died in a car accident as a young adult nine years ago. I’ve had to work at not letting my mind conjure up images of the accident scene along with not reliving seeing his car post-accident. It’s not easy. 

When my mind goes to details of the accident, I work at shifting it to the  positives of our relationship and to happy memories. Or I find a healthy distraction rather than allow my mind to circle round and round the details of his car accident.

Today I was out driving. Traffic slowed down. As I crept closer it became apparent there had been a horrific car accident. My eyes glanced over and I saw a heap of a broken bike in the road. I quickly moved my eyes away from seeing anything else. 

 It shook me up, reminding me of my son’s car accident. I am glad I did not see more than I did. Moving forward in traffic I followed behind one of the emergency vehicles which eventually turned into the hospital. It did not have its siren on. I took this to mean someone had died. Maybe I am wrong. 

My heart was shaken open. I felt compassion for the people involved in the accident and the emergency crew who responded. On the one side there is the trauma of the accident and on the other side there are teams of people ready to assist and help. Then there was me, shaken open to memories and the present moment, noticing that loss opens my heart to deeper gratitude.